Unexpected turn of events
Life is full of surprises. This cannot be truer then ever before. Since I was young, I've always been encouraged to take on challenges. To try and achieve the best that I can and put my best into the things I do. I cannot claim that I've been successful all the time nor even successful most of the time. In fact, the number of failures that I've experience far exceeds the number of success. However, now, I've been put into a position which I do not really know how to conduct myself. It has been bothering me the whole day I really do not know the course of action which I should take.
I'm torn between taking up the challenge or admitting that I'm not ready for it. Seldom do such opportunities come knocking on the door and this opportunity literally fell into my lap. However, I'm seriously taking stock of my own experiences and abilities and I question myself ... am I ready? I will be facing stiff oppositions and a lot of unhappiness as well as the requirements that's expected of me. Will I be able to handle all this pressure? On the other hand, if I were to shy away simply because of the difficulties, I know that I will regret later. This could be the defining point of my life. My future may well be dictated by the decision that I'm about to make. Or do I even have the choice?
I'm afraid, truly. There's a lot of uncertainty and so many variables which are totally out of my control either directly or indirectly. No real ways to neither shape them nor even try to influence them. Its like a storm is raging around me and the harbour is not in sight. Will I be able to ride out this unpredictable weather or will I be engulfed by the waves and wind. Are there hidden ice bergs waiting to sink me or shallow reefs lying in wait to rip the hull of the ship wide open? In the face of a perfect storm, what are the chances of a small ship in the middle of the wide open sea?
To top things off, my own life is in shamble. Not knowing my own feelings and thought. Not knowing where my life is headed. My mind and heart is getting more and more confused by the day. Not sure of my own actions and getting increasing easily affected by my own emotions. Where have all my years of training gone. I thought I have learnt to control my own emotions, to be able to logically dissect and segregate them from my life? Or was I just deceiving myself...
I'm torn between taking up the challenge or admitting that I'm not ready for it. Seldom do such opportunities come knocking on the door and this opportunity literally fell into my lap. However, I'm seriously taking stock of my own experiences and abilities and I question myself ... am I ready? I will be facing stiff oppositions and a lot of unhappiness as well as the requirements that's expected of me. Will I be able to handle all this pressure? On the other hand, if I were to shy away simply because of the difficulties, I know that I will regret later. This could be the defining point of my life. My future may well be dictated by the decision that I'm about to make. Or do I even have the choice?
I'm afraid, truly. There's a lot of uncertainty and so many variables which are totally out of my control either directly or indirectly. No real ways to neither shape them nor even try to influence them. Its like a storm is raging around me and the harbour is not in sight. Will I be able to ride out this unpredictable weather or will I be engulfed by the waves and wind. Are there hidden ice bergs waiting to sink me or shallow reefs lying in wait to rip the hull of the ship wide open? In the face of a perfect storm, what are the chances of a small ship in the middle of the wide open sea?
To top things off, my own life is in shamble. Not knowing my own feelings and thought. Not knowing where my life is headed. My mind and heart is getting more and more confused by the day. Not sure of my own actions and getting increasing easily affected by my own emotions. Where have all my years of training gone. I thought I have learnt to control my own emotions, to be able to logically dissect and segregate them from my life? Or was I just deceiving myself...
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